


small luxuries

by glorious_clio



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Mama Hera, i just needed to post something soft, this isn't award winning or anything but hey, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 00:58:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glorious_clio/pseuds/glorious_clio
Summary: Hera doesn't like dreaming of her dead, but she's not going to stop Jacen from dreaming about Kanan, nor is she going to let him stop telling her about them.Set about two years after Return of the Jedi.





	small luxuries

“Mom,” Jacen said and pulled himself up on her bunk next to her. “What’s for breakfast?”

It was a luxury to be woken by your six year old early in the morning. At least, according to Hera Syndulla. She enjoyed this time with her green-tipped son, especially on days when she didn’t have an alarm set to wake her.

She lifted the covers and tugged him closer, without opening her eyes. It didn’t mean she had to get up yet.

“Moooooooooooom,” he fidgeted and pretended to fight her embrace, but this was part of their day-off routine.  No work, no lessons. Probably errands later, Hera still called them supply runs to make them more fun for Jacen. He wasn’t fooled.

“Hold on, Jace, I’m still waking up.”

He sighed again and cuddled closer.

She burrowed her nose in his close-cropped hair, breathing in his smell, sharp and sweet. “Did you have nice dreams?” she asked him gently. Her fingertips soothed over the back of his head, tracing a pattern that didn’t mean anything, but meant _I love you, bright boy_.

Hera slipped on the edge of sleep, so it took her a long moment to realize that he hadn’t said anything.

“Jacen?” Hera opened her eyes.

Jacen’s peach skin was blushing pink, his blue eyes were downcast, he was biting his lip.

“Did you have bad dreams?” she whispered.

He shook his head.

“You don’t _have_ to tell me, J. But you know you can tell me anything.”

“No, I _want_ to tell you,” he said. “But I don’t want you to be sad.”

“Did it make you sad?”

“No,” he said, looking at her finally. Did she imagine Kanan’s wisdom looking out at her from his blue blue eyes? Or was this the strength of a six-year old’s conviction?

“I promise to just listen,” Hera said slowly. She could have guessed what he was going to say, she’d put money on it. “And if it makes me sad, I promise not to tell you, I’ll tell somebody else.”

Poor kid, she tried not to burden him with her grief, and the years had taken the edge off. But sometimes it was a fresh wound.

“I dreamed about Dad,” he said.

“What did you guys do?” she asked immediately, swallowing her own emotions about Kanan-dreams. Hera didn’t dream of Kanan very often, and when she did, it could throw her off for a standard day.

But Jacen dreamed of Kanan every few weeks, and he didn’t seem to mind. He knew it was Dad from photos, and stories. “ _And he says he’s my dad when we talk, and it feels right_ ,” he told her once.

“You were there and we went to visit Poe and Shara and Kes and we all played all day and ate ice cream for dinner, and then Sabine came and showed us some cool fireworks.”  

Hera brushed a finger over his cheek. “That sounds kinda great.”

“Yeah,” he said. “You guys kissed, which was kinda gross, but it was fine I guess. Can I have ice cream for _breakfast_?”

“You may not have ice cream for breakfast, but there is a box of Sullust Sugar Blasters.”

“Two bowls?”

“One bowl. And a meiloorun.”  

“Fine.” She could hear the pout through the resignation.

“But first....” She slid her hands to his sides. “TICKLE ATTACK!”

And they dissolved into a giggling tickle fight that somehow turned into a wrestling match where Jacen tangled himself so badly in the sheets that she had him under her power for a whole three minutes of tickling that only ended when he yelled he was going to pee his pants. Hera wisely backed off and helped him untangle himself.  

Thirty minutes later they were both tucked up on the bench, Chopper beside them, eating Sullust Sugar Blasters and watching cartoons. Hera couldn’t follow them at all, she got them mixed up (which was useful for winding Jace up), but it didn’t matter. She took a sip of caf and glanced at her son, then back to the holofeed before he noticed.

He inhaled his sugary cereal, then switched to the meiloorun. He’d be hungry in twenty minutes, and then crabby from a sugar crash, but there were eggs in the refrigeration unit, a little cheese to sprinkle on top of them.

And then they were going to play all day. The supply runs could wait.

 

***

 

By bedtime, exhausted mother and son were collapsed on Jacen’s bunk. Hera was on her back, her son resting his head on her belly, his arms wrapped around her waist. She ran her fingers through his hair while she read to him from her datapad. They had indeed played all day, and talked about what to do over his school break.

Hera had some vacation time stored up, and the New Republic’s fleet didn’t have much to do anyway, so they agreed to go to Yavin IV to see the Bey-Dameron family. And then they were going to loop back around to Ryloth, they hadn’t seen her dad in a bit. Jacen kept quiet about his reluctance to go to Ryloth, but she understood why he was hesitant. Jacen stood out there, the lack of lekku were a huge barrier for the other twi’ kids.

Jacen could understand lekku signals, but was unable to transmit the unspoken Ryl nuances. Hera tried not to make it a big deal, especially on Ryloth.

She traced her fingers down to the back of his head to the two small bumps, roots, where he was sensitive.  Ever since he was a baby, back when she knew every inch of him by heart, if she rubbed his hair just there he would calm for her. He still soothed under this touch.

They finished their chapter and Hera settled her datapad on the night table. He cuddled closer to her.

The room was much more colorful since she had Sabine paint it. When it was Kanan’s, it was spartan, and gray. Sabine had painted lothwolves and lothcats on the walls, the ceiling sported her starbird design. On the bunk frame, Hera had replicated twi’lek patterns from her room and from her Kalikori herself.

She could afford a place here on Hosnian Prime, but the _Ghost_ was home for her and for her son. The rest of the Spectres had moved on from her ship, but she knew in her bones that Kanan would never have left her.

“I dream about your dad sometimes too,” she said, pressing her fingertips gently on his roots and tracing circles.

“What do you guys do in your dreams?” he asked, half asleep now.

“We kiss,” she teased him. She brushed one of her hands down his back.

“That’s gross, you can’t tell me that,” he said.

There was a lot she’s wasn’t telling him, _those_ kinds of dreams weren’t so bad. More often, though, she ran old missions with him. Some awful nights, they run that last mission and he dies in front of her all over again. She couldn’t tell him that, either.

Sometimes, though, Hera and Kanan were in various arrangements around the _Ghost_ , doing dishes or laundry or repairs. Once, she dreamed she was watching them do lightsaber forms with Jacen, and with Ezra. (So far, Jacen didn’t know his father was a Jedi, if he’d dreamed about it, he didn’t mention it. This wasn’t a secret she was ready to share yet, not with Jace so young.)

“We play with you, Jace. Or we talk about you.”

“He likes to know what I’m up to,” Jacen said.

“He does,” Hera agreed. “Once, I dreamed the three of us were at the beach. Chopper didn’t come with because he didn’t want to get sand in his components. We made a sandcastle and then we watched when the tide came in and destroy it.”

“I remember that,” Jacen said.

“What do you mean, J?”

“I had that dream,” he said, rousing a bit. “And dad said something about time and sand and that you can’t stop some stuff from happening.”

And, oh no, Hera couldn’t hide her reaction to that, so she deliberately soothed her hands over the back of his head again, and he melted a bit under her touch.

Could they have dreamed the same thing? He didn’t tell her this one, but Hera remembered Kanan’s words too. She quickly wiped away a few tears, brushed her hand on his quilt, and returned it to his back.

“It’s ok, Mom,” he sighed and slipped further into sleep.

“I know, baby. I love you. Everything’s ok.”

Hera scooted herself down on the bed and pulled Jacen’s quilt over them both. Jace rearranged himself to fit in her arms. Hera was going to regret this later; he was a restless sleeper with a tendency to kick. Maybe it was dreams with Kanan. Maybe it was because he was rarely still, even in sleep. Probably she had let him have too much sugar today.   

She dusted her fingers over Jace’s face, around his pointed, green-tipped ear.

Jacen, who dreamed of Kanan, who felt a strong connection with his father. He treasured his dreams of Kanan, and Hera... he had been so reluctant to tell her today. She resolved not to do that again. Jacen needed to dream his dreams and to tell her about them. And she needed to let it happen.

Hera had listened to him, to them both, today and just played. Not every day could be like this, obviously, but a full play day had been a great idea.

So maybe, dreams of Kanan and days like this were a luxury too. Jacen was growing so fast, that was how she had to see it.

“Ok, Kanan,” she said quietly. “Make it a good one.”

Hera’s last thought before slipping off into sleep was that maybe Shara knew a good beach on Yavin 4. She wanted to build a sandcastle.  

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Xx


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